Oh bother.....not so glamorous!

So again it has been forever since I have blogged. I know, I know..... your surprised I have never dropped off the face of the earth before. So what has happend since the last time. 

Well another surprise...... I am Pregnant!!!! 

 Holy....... yeah......that was my reaction along with some tears and then smiles and then more tears,laughing,dismay and more tears. So I am almost in my fifth month and am still sick.  

I tell you what it is so much harder being pregnant at 33 than 23. Ufta! 

So we are soo looking forward to finding out what this little one is. We would love to have a little girl. But I bet it will be a boy. Seems like that is what we make.So that is what I am trying to prepare my mind for.  I am fine with a little boy .But the amount of anxiety of the possibility of having a little boy is huge! I feel that if it is a boy that we are definitely going to have another little boy that struggles with Autism. That scares me to no end. Ones have told me well at least you guys will know what to do if that happens, so we will be just fine.Ummmmm nooooo. Because we have done this twice, I think that I am more scared than ever. I know what could be in store for us and that is the most frightening thought ever. That is why we were not going to have anymore children. 

So if your wondering what happened. The stupid Nuva-ring didn't work in June apparently. I have looked back in my calendar and tried to figure out if I can see if I did something wrong and it all looks like I did everything right, other than have SEX! Oh bother the twists and turns of life. 

I know that we will survive and handle what life dishes out, just nervous of the possibilities. I really don't want our next little one to be another statistic. The odds aren't in our favor, so we are hoping the prayers will help. 

All I know right now that this whole pregnancy thing is not very glamorous. I had that reality check not that far back. You know that you are pregnant when you are throwing up and pee your pants at the same time. Oh and yesterday on a morning milk run for the boys' breakfast ,I puked at the gas station, on the side of the road on the way home and then also on myself before I could pull over for a second time before I got home. Oh talk about feeling like a hot mama! More like a hot mess!!

 Oh bother, the glamor! 

Hey maybe one of these days I can regain a little of my inner hottie! Haa Haaa until then, here we go again. Will TRY to keep you posted. ;) Not making any promises. :)

 So here is to adding to the crew!

Learning, Living and Loving

So we are heading into summer and I am excited, but know it always goes fast. I am doing a garden this year, first ever. I have fond memories of Grandma and Grandpa in the garden all summer and then eating yummy veggies and fruit. Hoping the boys will get into it. Here is a picture of some of grandma's produce last season, and I tried my first attempt at pickling. Loved it!

Here are the pretty jars. I just planted a bunch of green beans! Brussels sprouts,tomatoes,asparagus,walla walla onions, little yellow heirloom tomatoes and regular tomatoes also. Still want to plant a little more. So here is to hoping.

So this year has been so crazy, in all ways. So I am hoping to get back to who I am. Trying to learn how to balance everything so that I can succeed. So here I am still reeling from some of what life just hands you. But really it is all about Learning, Living and Loving.

Monday....Monday...Can't Wait!

Looking Forward to Tonight

So I am looking forward to tonight! Trying to be productive this afternoon. HaHa , on that. So I can put the kiddos in bed and enjoy Super Monday TV.

First~ The Voice~

Okay a couple of things. Love it, and love the judges. Adam and Blake are cuties....and Cee-Loo cracks me up. Look and this pic from last night what the heck??

It reminds me of lil' me slash a.k.a. Dr. Evil from the hood. LOL!!!!  I can't get over this pic. To much. Hee hee ...white cat. Really?

And Then~SMASH~

Been looking forward to this premiere for a long time. Come on baby, Let's do this! It better be good. So we will see.

It is the little things right?  

Don't know when will get to blog here again soon. Josh's Mom and sister come in on Saturday and then on the 14th  our little man Hudson is going to have some surgery on his sinuses and he gets  ear tubes again. So life is crazy as usual. But it is ours.

Until next time.

How? No Really Tell Me How?

Okay, I know that I said that I would get better at this whole blogging thing .......well as we all can see that hasn't happened. So why not start up again a couple of months since my last stupid post at a quarter to 2 in the morning. My pills are stuck in my throat/chest and I can't sleep for many other reasons. You know, I know allot of you are fairly happy and content and not bitter out there in your lives. Well my question is ...

HOW?????   

No really, I want to know the secret of how you remain all great in this world that is over populated with Idiots. Because there are allot of them. And I am about to go postal on a few who just seem to get bolder and slimier as time goes by. No really,they really get my goat .(well if I had one) Here are  just two of my numerous reasons why.  #1- They have children and are supposed to be protecting and teaching them how to be good in their lives as they grow up. Granted I know that I am not a perfect parent , but these people. Ufta! I wouldn't let them dog sit my dogs. And #2- They can get pretty much anyone to do anything for them and believe their crap. I swear that they are the most manipulative,selfish people I have ever know. Unbelievable! Especially since I am pretty sure they have no heart or soul to them. 

Maybe it is like crazy believe crazy and they never turn on their own kind. Ha ha ,that is it.

But really all I want is some peace. A calm,warm heart,that feels secure. How do I not let these "idiots", take anymore of my time and energy? I know that they are not worth it, but  I really feel they really need to have consequences for being such awful people. I want to go back to grade school and if someone picked on you or was a jerkface you could tattle and they got in trouble. Would that be nice. But we are all grown up and you get away with it now. Ugg!

I need to learn how not to give them my power anymore . They don't deserve it and I sure don't have any to spare. It is just that they have hurt so many people and have or I should say "seems"  or "feels" to have gotten away with it all. Or with only a little slap on the wrist. Ultimately though the big guy upstairs knows all. It is just hard to watch and wait. Dirtballs!!!

I hurt for me and my family, but even more for those who have been even more affected. I want to make it better for them,but I know that I can't. I guess we will have to learn together.

As someone once told me the best revenge is to have a happy life. Now just how to do that is the trick.

They are like cancer and we just need to just cut them and anything remotely tied to them out of our lives. Oh and of course good meds,counseling and hard liquor .

 Not all at once,I should clarify. Haa Haa

So this Debbie Downer is trying to figure this all out. We'll see......Mending broken hearts is never easy or fast. And understanding those who do it to you is even harder. Or impossible.

Bleck........

So What's Your Fancy?

Okay so I have a totally have a new obsession ! 

 

    FANCY    

It is an awsome web sight that people post pics of their favorite anything from this great big cyber world. Art, fashion , food, animals,quotes....you name it people post they "fancy" this or that . It really is like a pictures blog spot. Love Love Love it. Slightly addicted.  Check it out. If you want to check out my pics. Look up Flutterbees. That is my fancy name.  hee hee sounds funny, Love It!! 

So wanna know another new founded love. I really am enjoying the new show on NBC. 

Yes....... ready......... for this one.... 

It is so good. Love the 1960's feel and story lines. All in all I am impressed. Go figure. Just love new tv in the fall.  Which by the way we are full blown in. Trees are changing and leaves are starting to fall. So pretty. Love the fall season. Just nervous that we are going to have a winter like we did last year. Early to come and late to leave. But we will see. 


So I just thought I would drop a little something here again and try not to get overwhelmed by blogging again. So short and sweet !

Long Time No See

Why Yes ........It's true......I am trying to start blogging again

Why? .....    Why not?  

    

Life has been crazy and I need to do more of the things that I enjoy and make me , well me. 

So much has happened that it will take time to get caught up. But we will I assure you!!  ;) 

I just need to say that life has gotten better in ways and simpler in learning some vital life lessons. Some friends are still gone and some are newly back. 

 The boys are still my boys. And I am still that crazy lil' mama trying to figure out how to do it all. 

My first blog back will be short but sweet.

I have kiddos to get in bed so I can get to my show parenthood. Yes ladies and gents. I am soooo excited for new tv. 

It is the simple things, like my dear friend Taylor would always say. ;)  

Miss you lady!!!!  So here is my debut... will add some more before you even know it.

Wynter

It's gonna be a crazy one........

So Hudson I and have been up since 2 am. Tried at 1am, but he just wasn't having it. So we are fudged as much as we could. He has his 5th EEG today at 10am. And then a MRI tomorrow at 8am. Here is some pictures of Hudson over a year ago for his 24hr. EEG.He did so well, hopefully today won't be too rough. Fingers crossed.

We meet the new pediatric neurologist last week, hence all the appointments. I really liked him and he was very informative. He his pretty confident that Hudson is having seizures again. We are bummed, but glad that he is working with us and wants to get this figured out. I have a feeling we are going to be plum tuckered out this week. 

Especially after our crazy and wonderful weekend. 

 Our Family Night skit went great. Am trying to track some pictures down of everything. Hard to take pictures when up on stage. Will post some pictures of the other acts on a different post. We all had fun. I will try to post more on that later.

So am going to sign out to head off to my morning. We will keep you posted on what we find out. Is it bad when you want your child to have a seizure so they can see what we have seen? just going off  our stories. Any that is our story. Talk at ya later. Seems odd to hope for something like that. Just would like some hard evidence for them to figure things out, instead of nothing.

It's a Production Baby!!!!!

 

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. So what have I been doing? Along my many title/job descriptions. Hey lets add actress and producer to my list. That's right people. My current role.......Ms. Hannigan!  Heee Heeee Love It!!!

Carol Burrnett was awesome in this role. Cracks me up!  

So our congregation is having a little talent show. They do it yearly. We call it Family Night. It is so fun and nice to see everyone get goofy and see what they love to do. Well this year I wasn't hearing anything going on with the kids. So I wanted them to feel a part of things and get in on the fun. So I volunteered myself to get something together. (Just more evidence to prove that I AM crazy) So we are going to do 'It's a hard knock life',for our skit. 

So I have rounded up about 20 little ones and props for our "Production". Heee Heeee It is going to be cute. 

I'm a little stressed and worried that all my kidlets will get stage fright and freeze up there. But hey that is what happens when your working with children. Nothing is guaranteed. That is also what makes it cute. So Saturday is the BIG night. We are excited and practicing and looking forward to dressing up. 

I hopefully will have some video so I can post it to show all of you.  Our attempt to Bring it Like Broadway!! 

So cross your finger people, here we go. 

Action!!

 

 

Single MaMa........Eeeks!

This Ma Ma Bird is alone with her two chicks. Sigh..... 

Josh is out of town for the week so the boys and I are on our own till Daddy comes home,I believe Thursday night.  Hate it when Josh and I aren't together. And the boys always miss him so much. He is such a good Dad!  The man amazes me all the time in the way he lives and provides for us. We love and appreciate you Daddy. See you soon.

Poor little Hudson has gotten my cold that I got a couple of weeks ago. Poor buddy. So we are just going to take it easy and try to get caught up on some of the house stuff and collect ourselves for next week.  So this week I have a new sense of closure and I will be praying for this feeling to maintain. I am going to be working allot on somethings in myself that I have needed to for a long time. Patience, trust, and letting the peace and healing begin. Oh the tangled webs we weave. 

I have allot on my plate and the more peace I maintain in my life the more my family and I will thrive and grow. This is my one main goal. This and trying to pray and rely on Jehovah more. To quit thinking I need to fix everything myself and hand over allot of my worries to him. For he is the only one who can truly make things the way they are supposed to be. You wouldn't think it would be so scary to let go. Especially to our heavenly father. One will have figure what that is all about. Hmmmm? 

So on a different note. Our Taylor is gone and moved to CO. Sniff....Sniff. We all miss her but we are doing well. Boys every now and then ask where is Taylor. Silly little ones. Hard concept to grasp for them when things change. 

Anyway we wish Lee and Taylor and their fur children all the best in their new adventure. Much love.

Til the next time we meet. Bye..Take Care x0x0

CAW program with Hudson........to be continued......... lol  

5th hab aid soon to come........... sigh............Start interviewing this week. Bleck!! I told our soon to be program director that we will be taking our time to line up all our duck on this one. I do truly believe she understands and will help.  

So begins the next chapter of this family. 

....... Stay Tuned ......

The Art of being............

Being what? Alone, okay, sane....... All of the above ?!?

Well Debbie downer here is wondering if there is really a trick to the art of "being". I try to be loving and patient,kind and reasonable. But some times I feel like good ol' apostle Paul, always fighting myself and my emotions. My thoughts...... my being human. What is wrong with being emotional and being human? Well it has come to my knowledge that this is not per say the "most popular" thing. However being secluded in your emotionless, self-absorbed world. I guess that is how ones think that you should act . It's the popular thing. Live for yourself and let all others fall at the way side. Each to their own. Who cares if it right or if someone gets hurt?

And guess who that someone usually is? Me. Because I care. I care too much. I care about those who didn't care even though they said they did.

It is true.......Never make someone a priority in your life, when you are only an option in theirs. 

So here I am alone.

Trying to figure out how to make an art of what is now my life. I know that it is not a bad thing to be alone. I just need to feel okay with it. I think sometimes as a mother of two autistic sons and a  wife to a naturally quite husband, I at times feel as though I am fighting to be in everyones life. To let me in. To share what they think and how they feel.  But sometimes it is just not there. That is where the art of being alone/okay, comes in. You would think growing up in a single parent family as an only child would help with that. But maybe that is where my drive to not be alone comes from. To prove to everyone down to my father,who just happened to be the first one to leave me,  that I am lovable enough to care about , to let in and not leave me.  

But on this journey we all call life I am trying to just prove to myself that this is the case. And the hardest challenges sometimes are the lessons we have to learn for ourselves. 

     So on this evening being Debbie Downer, and sad to be losing another friendship to distance and losing respect for one that I had for another. I am determined to learn the   Art of being...........

Yaaawwwnnnn!!!!

This Mommy can not get it together this week. Don't know if i am just having a little fibromyalgia flare up with a side of narcolepsy, or what. Gosh I'm a mess. A freakish mess!! lol  

Been so busy lately. Since we have gotten back from our trip from California, it has been nothing but running. Doctor's appointment for the boys, job training with two different companies. So running here to sign stuff and back and forth. Online training.... ufta! Plus just trying to do all my mommy stuff along with the housewife stuff. N-E-who! 

What is on the agenda for today. Well I have decided to buy my man a meat smoker with his bonus. lol Isn't that nice of me. ;) Well since the friendship divorce that happened this past 6 months, it is just one of the things we lost along with all that drama. Urggg!!!! (#@&*&*@#!!!) That is what I think of that. So anyway I found one at Sam's club for a good deal. So we are back in business, people. Yeah!!! Good stuff, can't wait! So i am going to get my creaky bones up and going and will hopefully get back to blogging better than I have been. Lots to fill you in on. ;)

Hmmmmmm........

To go or not to go.? 

I want to go but I have sooooo much to do. And urrrrggg the boys have been little boogers this morning. Do I reward them and go , or punish myself and not go. I don't want to be the grown up anymore. And yah know what?....... I want a raise. This job requires a little more compensation than what this mama is gettin.  Just saying.........

Anywho.....some of you know how much I love Disney, so that could just seal the deal. So once Joshie is back from Lowe's, I think this Mama is gonna go and recharge herself with some yummy coffee with Mrs. Taylor and then take the boys to a princess movie. lol  

Hey it's all good. ;)

My Toothless Wonder!

Oh Mr. Hayden........my little toothless wonder. 

Getting so grown up. My sweet , sweet boy. Mommy has been a little emotional about you mister, mister this week. Watching him grow and thrive as well as he does is such a blessing! He is putting the Awesome in Autism.

So what has triggered all these mommy emotions?

1-No front teeth. Love it...so goofy and adorable. 

2- Watching him with his new cousin, Bailey.

3-Him getting his first grown up suit. He looked all spiffy and grown up. (will have to take pictures)

4-Last but not least, Hayden got 8 stitches last night in his little arm. (not the son I thought would be getting stitches first) ;)  

He was helping Daddy last night working on the house and his cut his arm on a new hammer. He was so brave and sweet. Big ole' teared filled eyes, holding in together more than I would have/did. He was a rockstar in the ER . Let the nurses and Dr. help fix his big owie. Didn't even cry after the first intital big moment at home. 

I remember not even being able to walk into a Dr.'s office without him freaking out, trying to climb the walls if it meant he could leave, total meltdown even if a nurse came close to him. Was insane.  And he was only an toddler. 

What a contrast. Handled himself so well. I would of never thought or imagined that we could of done this. Shows you to never become defeated! Life can and will beat you down ,but just keep plugging  away and you could just be surprised every now and then.  Who would of thought stitches could be sooo meaningful? Go figure.....like I say  ..... no really, it's complicated. ;)

Oh sigh..........

Well it has been a week back in the real life of the Hatzell's.  

Bleck!

Snow and rain and snow and appointments and more appointments and then errands. Oh and now not only am I a mommy of two busy boys, I now have two little jobs. Eeeeks!  My plate has become a platter. Things are tight, so we do what we need to do. Taylor and I working on some "Brother Rules" to manage the boys' behaviour together, to become nicer and more manageable. I am overwhelmed! But I know that it is needed,no really I do. Everything has to start with a plan.  Aghhhh ......why do they give me such grief sometimes?!  I know that they are sweet little boys, that work really hard. But they are ornery little buggers. Parents always get the horrible behaviour more than others. You know what I think about that!? NOT FAIR!!! I want my four yr. old tantrum turn, to lay on the floor and whine and cry. Ha Haa can you imagine? Hey maybe I will do this in front of the boys to show them how ridiculous it is. lol  Oh the joys of parenting. Ufta!! What can I say.......Thanks Taylor for being patient with this crazy little mama.

What can I say.....

I don't want to leave!!!! 

Well we are at the end of our visit. We want to keep it going. :( But all good things have to come to an end. Can't believe that we used to live here. Seems like a lifetime ago. We will leave Saturday or Sunday. Not looking forward to coming home to the snow. Brrr!  Or facing the icky roads. Right know the sun is out and we are probably going to take all the rug rats to the park. My goals before we leave. Stand on the beach and just smell that fresh ocean air. Hopefully see a sea otter and some hummingbirds.  And of course get last miniute cuddles in with the little ones.

 And find a store here that carries some home made stuff that a neat lady makes here in Montery. Her stuff is found at Bird Mafia. Found her on late night cruising around online and realized that she lives in the same town that my mother-in law does. And she has some of her stuff in some shops around here where we are visiting our family. YEAH sooo exciting and how random is that. lol Love how weird little things happen sometime like that.

Here is a little scarf she makes,I hope I can find it in one of these shops.

So off to my treasure hunt. :)   More to come of our visit............ so stay tuned.

Meet Baby Bailey Grace

Bailey Grace

So I know I have not posted much lately.....but we left to come and meet our newest baby in the family. So here we are all the way here in California. And here is the little Miss Bailey Grace. She is such a sweet little thing. Good baby.We are having a nice visit with family and getting lots of baby time in. LOVE IT!!!!! Thanks to all our families, we were able to make it here and be together. Been too long. So we are cherishing our moments with the ones we love, will go to fast but are soo appreciative of the opportunity. Much love to our dear family.

More to come of our visit. Again thank you family for making this happen. :)


Wynter

So true..... So True.

So cruising around on-line is one of my faves. Seeing how talented/crafty people are. Makes me sick!!! But I LOVE it! Check this piece out some one did for a little boys room. I can totally relate. Genius!!!

What a Cool Board for a Boy's Room@ Cottage Hill

Houston...... we could have a problem!

So here is  our cute little girl bunny, Amy. 

(Which Hayden named by the way, Amy is the girl hedgehog off of Sonic of course.)

So she is the second girl addition to our family other than our Miss Foxy Roxie. Because we all know that I would probably have a whole football team  of Autistic Boys before Josh and I would get a baby girl. So I just now buy furry little critter girls for my emotional , maternal , neurotic needs. That is totally another blog.

N-Eway getting sidetracked .......Isn't she sweet?!

Hayden just loves his bunnies.

Here is the other bunny-Buzz

So the other day while I was tending the rabbits I noticed that one of them seemed to have some diarrhea. I know gross, but this story is going somewhere I promise . So I was checking the bunnies bottoms to see if I could tell which one was not feeling well.

And sooooo I pick up our Miss Amy and hmmmmm..........is that......really? I am not sure.......let's check again.........

OH MY WORD....... AMY has testicles!!!!!! 

 I am like 90 % sure. Good grief, Seriously?! How are we going to deal with this one?? Because Hayden is quite taken with the idea that he is a she and she/he is Amy, his favorite girl hedgehog. ( he totally has a animated crush) not quite sure what to think of that, but any who? What to do......I think I might just ignore this "development" for now. I told ya, really It's Complicated. Ufta!

Welcom Baby Natalie!

 

It's a Little Girl!!!

 

So it has been a long time since my last post. Been busy, busy ! 

 

Been sewing a baby quilt. (will post pics later of that) And getting all excited for one of my childhood girlfriends to welcome her first baby. She is finally here and she is sooooo sweet! The littlest thing I have ever seen. They finally got to go home today. Poor Nicole is pretty anemic and so they kept her for a couple more days than usual . She is doing well and daddy also. And of course the baby is amazing! She is soo incredible she makes my ovaries hurt. Ahhhhh.....stupid hormones and all that. But hey I will just kiss and cuddle with her and then go home and get my sleep.  ;) 

New babies are such a true miracle. Hayden of course is in LOVE with this new little one and he was pretty worried about his Nikki. :) He is so sweet. My tender hearted big boy. Anyway so happy for Nicole and Chad and their new addition. Congrats!!! And we love all of you.  

 

Gotta love Oprah!

The Sound of Music 45th Reunion!!!!

 Oh my....... the simple joys of life. I grew up with older movies, mostly musicals. My mother and grandmother definitely gave me my love for these. What is better than a genuinely pure family movie like The Sound of Music? Classic.

And what better than a reunion show. Love It!!!!! So don't know what we are going to do without Oprah. Ufta....can't think of that right now. Ahhhh the anxiety!!!  But this was one of my days highlights. Oh the warm fuzzies..... hmmmmm

 And Julie Andrews. I love HER!!!!  Her talent is amazing! And she soo beautiful! Love Mary Poppins also, here is a picture of her after winning an Oscar for her role in Mary Poppins. I believe she may have been 26/27 yrs. old. Too cute!